Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Joseph N. C.'s LiveJournal:

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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
2:31 am	No worries... I'm still alive here somewhere. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
12:31 am	Seasons.... They are doing what they always do and just change. There's nothing we can do about it no matter how much we might not like the coming cold. We don't have control of it. All we can do is prepare for it and take it as it comes. We can hope it's not as bad as we might think it's going to be. It's going to take time but we know it's going to get better. There are always the good and the bad. The good about the cold is you need to be closer to those who mean alot to you. Those moments will be the warmest and the most memorable during the season. There will deffinitly be times where it seems bitter and unfair and you will just curse it all out...but it will get warmer. All we can do is give it time. It will get warm again. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
3:03 am	Did you miss me? Regardless if you did or not...ask me if it matters? If you did, you are my friend and I thank you for keeping me in your thoughts, in your hearts and for your love and kindness....if you didn't...no worries..no tears were shed for you either...nor will they be. No I am not being a hard ass about things. No I am not being a prick. I'm done. I'm done caring about bullshit and petty problems. It's a new year and I think its time I make a few changes in my life. I have had many changes in the last 7 months.  Some good, some very good. Some bad, some very bad...so I find it fitting it starts now...I will use the 7 Deadly Sins & the 7 Heavenly Virtues to help guide me in this path. The Sins Pride/Vanity - excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Envy - the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation Gluttony - an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires Lust - an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body Anger/Wrath - manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury Greed - the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual Sloth - the avoidance of physical or spiritual work The Virtues Truth - a comprehensive term that in all of its nuances implies honesty, accuracy, sincerity, integrity, and reality Love - deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection, devotion, and/or compassion toward a person Courage - state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or change with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery Wisdom - knowledge, and the capacity to use the best means for attaining the best ends; good judgment Creativity - ability to produce through artistic or imaginative effort, characterized by originality and expressiveness Tolerance - practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others Freedom - power to act, speak, or think without externally imposed restraints Your probably asking "What the hell is he talking about?" Well I I have told a few of you what I am going to do...I will explain it all in detail on my myspace blog in the near future. However, as a brief summation I will use them all and I will do what I can for myself to be the best that I can....better than I am now. Yes...better than I am now. I know I am not the best person there is....but I want to be the best person I know. Regardless if I ever get to that point..I am going to make a concious effort to do so. I have alot of love in me and lately I feel a new way to show it instead of just saying it is needed. So you can expect a few changes this year...love it or not...deal with it or be gone. I'll see you all around...and I truely hope I get to see some of you at the very end. Peace. Current Mood: content (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
5:00 am	What the hell is wrong with my God damned head and my God forsaken heart. I sit here and I think of the last few conversations I have had, which were actually good. It was just like people saying how I know so many people and how great I am and shit like that.....but underneath it all....I'm not or at least I don't feel like it. Lately deep down I am feeling more down than I have in a while. It's all the same shit in me, not even just in my head right now casue things just show me different, but like I am not good enough to fucking be aknowledged or something. That might be harsh but somewhat true when I think about the last 5 months and all the crap I have been through with people. It never matters to me how many people I know...it's how well I know them and how well they know me that matters. Greatful am I to have a certain few that I can hide my fears, pain, and I can confide in and those few to me are more like angels than anything else. Alas with that....there is still a major part of me that is so empty and alone and broken just incomplete and hollow it hurts every night before I close my eyes just to wake up the next day and relive another day that I am going to go to bed unfulfilled. I live these empty days doing nothing but being who I am and trying to do nothing but make people I come in contact with smile and be happy and I try to lift their spirits higher than my own at the same time lifting mine. Sometimes I just feel myself alone no matter where I am and who I am with and that scares me. I can hear it over and over again that I shouldn't be thinking like this...but words only do so much. It's a horrible thing when after all these years we hear so much negative and hurtful things towards us that so much damage has been done..now to hear any attempt of somehting kind let alone loving is so difficult to believe. Thinking about all this seriously takes it's toll and simply gets unbearable. I feel myself turning back to who I used to be just becasue of how it felt...how it felt to feel pain other than the one I feel now...all the scars healed but this pain I feel now hurts too damn much. I can't go back to how I was just because it would bother certain people more than it would bother myself. No one can understand what I am going through just becasue I have been going through this for al onger time and more intensely than anyone else. I love unconditionally and I hate unrelentlessly. Not feeling that damn emotion everyone yerns for in life and which can bring so much happiness and peace to someones life just burns this hole in me that needs a distraction...but I can't go back to the feel of cold steel again. I can't look them in the eyes without crying and apologizing for makeing a dream they fear to come true. All I feel i can do is pull myself back into my zone of self destruction and break myself down into something which I hope will be greater than I am now. I feel like the only way I won't be hurt at times is to just stay away from people...but my desire and basic need for that fucking emotion yet again is going to be my weakness....love...the thought of the real thing is such a warm feeling and such a beautiful thing. It frightens me never to feel it. Never to know what it really feels like. I know what I want and need...but I can't have it. I have never been one to be abel to have what means something to me. But I fear I will never have it....or by the time love finds me it will be too late and I won't be here. I think to myself about what people say and what they do...and it's so amazing that the slight actions people do can hurt so much at times. It's a selfish thought...but sometimes the only way I feel I will ever know how people really feel and what they think is to be on the outside of THE box and see what it would be like from above. I know many would be hurt and would miss me....but sometimes things need to be said before the time comes when all you can say is..."I wish could..." I love my friends so much and I wonder if they know that...I respect them all and wish them all the best in this painful life. I feel the only way to not be hurt by feeling like a failure and to stay away from rejection from anyone is to just pull away and stay away. I don't ever want to hurt anyone...and if I ever do I am sorry and I apologize with all the warmth in my heart as I have left...but right now I am so cold and bitter and hurt I don't know what else to do. I can';t just not care..cause I do. Everyone knows I care and I care alot. It's just getting so difficult to keep walking around with this fake smile and being "happy" when I am not. All I can do now is look as angry as I usually do thanks to years of REALLY being angry and when peopel ask if anythings wrong..just be like..nah..I'm kool..but I am not going to go into anything to bring anyone down or bother them with any problem or petty issue I have going on in my own mind. All I know is that no matter how often I am told...how nice of a guy I am, how kool I am, how sweet, or amazing I am....when I am left alone and the only person I have to deal with at the end of the night is myself...I am not happy with too much of a major part of myself. I'm sorry for who I am. I wish I could be a better person. Sorry. Just hope to yourself if you do care that things get better for us all....I give hope to you all....I hold none for myself. This was my second attempt..and it will not be as good as my first...there is still much missing in this...again..I fail myself. Current Mood: scared Current Music: Shinedown - 45 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 14th, 2004
5:12 am	Rage???? Hows about under-fucking-statement!! 7 years and I have never felt so much anger and rage and hate and bloodlust running through my veins. Never have I been within feet of one of the 3 I want to tear apart with my hands. The temptation of going over to him and ripping his throat out was too much for me..just hearing his stupid ass voice was making me want his blood even more. Wanting to rip his fucking dreads out one by one before I stomp his head into the fucking ground. Knowing there was a shovel, 3 cinder blocks, a ladder, a few chairs, a pipe, a mop and a nice 10 foot fence along with some sand and a couple bottles was just making ideas and thougts running though my head. DAMN THEM ALL FOR WHAT THEY FUCKING DID TO ME..STEALING WHAT WAS MINE AND WHAT MEANT SOMETHING TO ME..FUCK THEM ALL FOR LIVING...FUCK THEM FOR STILL BEING ABLE TO FUCK OTHER PEOPLE OVER WHO DON'T KNOW BETTER. IF EVER THERE WAS A TIME I WANTED TO GO BOONDOCK SAINT STYLE ON ANYONE..TONIGHT WAS THE NIGHT. At least I know now...there is always next week...maybe sometime soon I won't have to hold back and he will bring the other 2 and I will see all three of them...then maybe I will have a reason to destroy them all. I...WANT...THEM...DEAD!!!! Hopefully you will not have to see me like that....but now...who knows...they are linked to me and might be linked to where I work..and not by my doing...but I will have my revenge. I will gladly let them hit me first....then that will be the last time they hit anything or try to hurt anyone again. You disrespected me once...you do it again...I own you! Samurai and Ninja do not let the disrespectful go unpunished. It's too bad for them they do not know I am the best of both. May your dreams be more peaceful than my own. Sayonara. Current Mood: predatory (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
1:36 pm	What a way to wake up in the morning/afternoon... How fucking great is that....this summer is going to kick so much ass...July is going to be a music fest...and August is going to be FIGHTING fest.....man oh fucking man...if things go good..this is going to be one of the 3 best summers of my life...NOW I am really damn excited. Current Mood: happy (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
2:46 am	In the past men have been killed for lesser insults. Gossip happens, fine. Rumors get started, fine. I try not to pay attention to gossip and rumors of others and start everyone I meet with a clean slate. However I have ended more relationships and cut more ties with people who I thought were friends on facts. Here's a fact : I do not want to be part of any rumor, nor do I want to be part of any gossip, especially about any kind of "relationship" I might be having considering emotions and relationships are important to me and when you think of the last 3 and a half weeks for me being emotional hell due to my cursed search for passion and the only love I really look for, plus finding things that mean alot to me....I am NOT to be fucked with when it comes to this. Do not be a rumor. Do not get involved in gossip. Just back off. Now it's a new day.....this subject is OVER! Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: The Last Samurai Soundtrack (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 1st, 2004
5:19 pm	Living Darkness is Dying Inside Living Darkness (12:52:12 AM): nah me...I just stressin I guess Living Darkness (12:52:34 AM): I just don't know about ****** and how she feels and it kills me Living Darkness (12:53:59 AM): me and donna are good, like nothing serious as of now...she is deffinitly someone i can see something with....but like I like the way things are cause we talk and in MY opinion things are ok right now...if things get better thats great..but I am not going to push anything I hope Living Darkness (12:55:47 AM): yeah...****** is still going to have a really special place with me..but like i don't know what she thinks of it all and it's seriously tearing me apart casue like tonight she thinks that if anything happens with me and donna I am going to just forget about her and drop her..and I try and try to tell her how I feel...but something is telling me there is something there abotu me she is not telling me..and my friend also thinks so...but we are leaving it alone casue we don't want to upset her Living Darkness (12:57:29 AM): so it's pretty much raining here cause I am not crying Living Darkness (12:58:08 AM): whenever I want to cry and I feel like I am about to...it rains Living Darkness (12:58:23 AM): I don't physically cry but I feel like someone is crying for me Living Darkness (2:04:34 AM): I don't understand my life and I hate it so damn much at times....honestly I would rather be dead and just not have to deal with this and just be like...fuck it all...everyone will just get over me after a while.....I am tired of just feeling like empty all the fucking time and when I DO feel like I am a part of someones life it's gone in a fucking instant Living Darkness (2:06:21 AM): I'm tired of being the only one putting my heart out there and people just like..whatever...and either just getting tired of it all and shit Living Darkness (2:06:56 AM): I just want someone to be as unconditional as I am and just be as honest with how they feel as I am without fear of being hurt Living Darkness (2:07:20 AM): I can pour my heart out to people and it's like just words to them Living Darkness (2:07:49 AM): I seriously wish I could be like the crow and touch someone and let them see what I am feeling and how much it really hurts to be sometimes Living Darkness (2:08:02 AM): I want them to see what I am feeling for them IS real and IS pure and IS honest Living Darkness (2:08:31 AM): I want to be able to look at someone and they see in my eyes what I feel for them and how I care for them Living Darkness (2:10:10 AM): I swear if I was dying and people FINALLY told me how they really felt I would be happy with that......I would do anything to have people just really tell me how much I matter to them...but like sometimes right now I just don't feel like I matter Living Darkness (2:10:21 AM): and if I don't matter I just feel like nothing matters Living Darkness (2:11:27 AM): I don't care about materialistic shit..I just want to have that feeling like someoen wants me around...someone can't stop thinking about me cause I matter tot hem, Living Darkness (2:12:10 AM): no I feel like I don't matter to people lately like I am expendable and if I am around great and if not oh well......so if I don't really matter then basially I just don't give a fuck about anything cause I would have nothing Living Darkness (2:12:18 AM): I want to be able to know that someone misses me Living Darkness (2:12:23 AM): I want to know someoen is thinking about me Living Darkness (2:12:30 AM): I want to know that someone is wishing they were with me Living Darkness (2:12:45 AM): I want to be able to get those phone calls where they just want to talk to me cause they miss my voice Living Darkness (2:12:55 AM): I want to be able to look at someone and see in their eyes they miss me Living Darkness (2:13:17 AM): I want to be abel to kiss and hold someone and know they miss my touch and my lips and miss my warmth Living Darkness (2:13:47 AM): I miss hearing and believeing....someone loves me Living Darkness (2:14:00 AM): and not just saying it back out of courtisy Living Darkness (2:15:03 AM): I want to know that if they thi nk anything bad has happend to me that their heart is going to skip a beat and drop and they will worry...just to know I matter Living Darkness (2:15:38 AM): or when they see me that they will just be like..oh my god and want to run to me but just want to come up to me and hold me so tight they never want to let me go Living Darkness (2:16:23 AM): I am tired of just feeling like I am always the nice guy but aparently not nice enough to love for some fucking reason Living Darkness (2:17:15 AM): yet assholes who don't give a fuck about people and just watch out for their own asses can get any fucking girl and fuck them over and where am I....I am the FRIEND that is there for the girl who gets fucked over Living Darkness (2:17:23 AM): yeay for fucking me Living Darkness (2:17:29 AM): knight in shining armour Living Darkness (2:17:37 AM): big god damn deal Living Darkness (2:18:06 AM): maybe me on my death bed would have more of an impact than words that seem to go in one ear and out the other Living Darkness (2:18:38 AM): maybe I should be tortured and crucified to make an impact on people And it has been getting worse......... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
1:07 am	I won't cry, so the sky cries for me. I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open And I don’t feel like I am strong enough ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away The worst is over now and we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open And I don’t feel like I am strong enough ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open And I don’t feel like I am strong enough ‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away Current Mood: sad Current Music: Seether Featuring Amy Lee - Broken (Comment on this)
Monday, March 8th, 2004
5:29 am	Feelings, thoughts and ideas. I find it ironic, and at the same time very sad, how people can be so strong in how they feel and things that they say when in alot of ways it doesn't sound like they hear what they are saying. I know a decent amount of people, who I consider very good friends basically brothers and sisters, and when they say some of the things they say I wonder if they have any idea how much things they say hurt people around them. People have told me before I care too much, I take things to heart, I take things too seriously. Well maybe I do. However, why should that be a bad thing? Why should it be a bad thing, or a "weakness" if you want to go that angle, to have some passion and pride for things that are important to you? Almost everyday I hear ones that I care about and would die for talk about how much they hate this and that and the other...HELLO..no one ever said life was going to be without it's dark clouds. But does it make any sense at all to add to it by being so hateful or so fed up with things that you must lash out? I have never seen anyone put out a fire with fire. I have never seen anyone stop a flood by adding more water. I understand where alot of people are coming from in their thoughts and ideas about the world we live in and the people we share the world with, but being angry and saying certain things is just putting you in the same category as the ones you hate if you can see it or not. What are you going to do, be angry at the world for the rest of your life? What kind of life is that? Don't we feel enough misery inside ourselves, why add more to someone elses day? No one is saying to be happy all the time, and to pretend the world is not the way it is, but instead of being so negative, direct that energy in a positive way. Add something good to this world, add something to someones day. People deserve to be treated better these days..EVERYONE does. We shouldn't have to live in a world where something we say or something we do carries with it the fear of being questioned or interrogated. There are a million things about me I keep quiet just because I have a feeling of where I stand with people...so if I tell them something and that something THEY say offends me to the point where if things were different I would actually consider fighting them, for something I would die for...are they going to just watch what they say for my sake? or will they change in general for the better? I shouldn't have to tell someone I hold as a dear friend that something they say offends me in ANY way. As far as I know everyone I know is smart enough to know right from wrong so in my opinion someone who doesn't go to college and has just as many problems and insecurities as the next person shouldn't have to say all this. I mean I'll be honest with whoever reads this, I would rather be dead than to hear some things people say because yeah it does bother me so much. Please...think about things before you say or do them. You just don't know who your hurting sometimes. If I have ever hurt anyone by anything I have said...I am sorry and i am trying to be a better person. Lets try to make things better for ourselves and whatever future we have...don't be so negative...we know what thats like...let's do what we can to make our lives and everyone elses better. It's no fun alone in this world. P.S. - The reason I disallowed comments..I just want this to be read and thought about al ittle bit...if we speak we cannot listen. Let us not be another number added to a set of people who do not listen -> do not learn -> do not grow -> and bring the world to it's knees. Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: Falling Snowflakes
Thursday, March 4th, 2004
7:34 am	Give me the strength to be what I was, and forgive me for what I am. I'm sorry for things I say, I am sorry for things I do, I am sorry for the way I act, I am sorry for not being perfect to you or anyone, I am sorry for not being who I was, I am sorry for not being who you want me to be, I am sorry for caring too much, I am sorry for loving you too much, I am sorry for loving you at all, I am sorry for wanting to be with you, I am sorry for wanting to hang out with you, I am sorry for being there for you, I am sorry for leaving myself open for you, I am sorry for wanting to be there for you, I am sorry for saying certian things to you, I am sorry for not being the friend you want me to be, I am sorry for not being cool enough, I am sorry for likeing what i do, I am sorry for being too serious, I am sorry for pissing you off, I am sorry for ever haveing a good time with you, I am sorry for being your friend, I am sorry for not being there for you when you needed me, I am sorry for not being the son you want, I am sorry for not being enough, I am sorry for being a dissapointment, I am sorry for feeling guilty, I am sorry for being lose to you, I am sorry for making you think I can do better than I am, I am sorry for not being cute enough, I am sorry for not being hot enough, I am sorry for not being strong enough, I am sorry for asking so many questions, I am sorry for not being close enough to you, I am sorry for living so far away, I am sorry I don't trust you, I am sorry you can't trust me, I am sorry we grew apart, I am sorry we grew too close, I am sorry you love someone else, I am sorry you don't love me, I'm sorry I don't have enough money, I am sorry for being scared to let you all the way in, I am sorry for fearing ridicule, I am sorry for not having anything to talk about, I am sorry for not having enough in comomon with you, I am sorry for not being smart enough, I am sorry for letting my feelings show, I am sorry for ever telling you how I really felt, I am sorry for missing you, I am sorry for losing faith, I am sorry for losing hope, I am sorry for lieing to you, I am sorry for pushing you away, I am sorry you pushed me away, I am sorry I can't make things beter, I am sorry you didn't want to make things better, I am sorry for not having enough control of things, I'm sorry for making you cry, I am sorry for crying about you, I am sorry for not crying about you when I should have, I am sorry I tried so hard and failed you, I am sorry you didn't try enough and let me down, I'm sorry I tried so hard and you fucked things up, I am sorry I want nothing to do with you, I am sorry I am still here, I am sorry I am not talented enough, I am sorry for being so simple and wanting simple things, I am sorry for not being patient enough, I am sorry for waiting too long, I am sorry for being too old, I am sorry for being weak, I am sorry for giving up, I am sorry for wanting, I am sorry for everything I have done wrong to who ever thought it was wrong, I'm sorry for everything I will do wrong to whoever thinks it's wrong, I'm sorry. Now stop. Close your eyes. Breathe in. Think of a life without me. Breathe out. Leave this here. Just think here. Forgive me for what I am, and what I am not. Give me the strength to become what I was and what you want me to be, for I feel alone...and alone I am nothing but an empty night sky with no stars or moon. Current Mood: scared Current Music: Life - Falling Rain (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 16th, 2003
4:15 am	My LIfe....Where does it stand... You love them and they don't notice or it's just not the way they might have been used to in the past. I don't try to dissapoint them but no matter what I seem to dissapoint them more than I would like. I hurt but to them it's anger. I can't help if it angers me that I am happy and to them it's not what they want. I can't help it if not the way they had wanted me to be happy. I am not going to do things ONLY for them...then I would not be living the life I want to lead. I might try to compromise but thats it. I do love them and what they think does matter to me weather they believe it or not. Hell...there are alot of people in my life where I try to be perfect in their eyes and to fowl up and see the disappointment in like a burning blade heading straight for me and I can't move out of the way. Damn the pressures of being a perfectionist and along with that the pressures of financial stress in the family. Whatever....I think it's time for this troubled mind to get some rest before it loses more rest. Goodnight and may your day be better than mine. Current Mood: Silent (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
12:29 am	Mr. Anderson....... WELCOME TO CLUB 21!!! Happy Birthday Bro. I hope this is just going to be the beginning of great things for you. May this be an awseome time in your life and may you receive nothing but the best. Cheers Scott Anderson! (and now you can say cheers with an alcoholic beverage that YOU can buy;) enjoy and my good times be had by all! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: The Happy Birthday Theme (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 14th, 2003
8:03 pm	So he is 24.... Being 24 feels alot like being 23...even though last year I was at Ozzfest for me birthday...which in itself was amazing..this year was a nice little gathering which was very kool in it's own rank. I want to thank those who came by and those who sent their wishes as I am yet one more year older and hopefully a little wiser...I really do feel lucky when I think about my friends and ideas they have for the ones they care about (I hope) so anyways...thanks to you all and nothing but good times ahead. P.S. Big ups to Satan and God and thr minions...but I got more money in the end from Satan. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Fan noise (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 12th, 2003
5:53 am	Has Darkness found a new club....I think he has:):):) HOLY SHIT!!!! First off...I HAVE GOT to thank Laura for inviting me out to this place..Master Steelow Fetish Funhouse Party. Don't let the name deceive you..it's not as bad or naughty as you may think. This place was so damn cool...First off...it was just all around fun...totally kool place..HOT girls..and I mean HOTTTT. no..not everyone was all fetished out or whatever..it was a kool place. Right now I am at such a loss for words cause I can't wait to go back there. The Music was fucking IN CREDIBLE. DJ Dracos I hope I got his name right...AWESOME. I got to talk to him at the end of the night before his second set and he gave me his card...deffinitly gonna check out the site and some of his mixes. Did Darkness dance....lol...he HAD to dance. I'm telling you..I have not heard music like this except in Blade 1 and 2 in the club scenes...I didn;'t want to stop...no alcohol comsumption on my part either...and oh yeah...did Darkness put on a little eye makeup??? Hmmmmm...I think he did...are there pic out there some where...I think there are..so as son as I get them I might just have to put them on here. The one and only upsetting time...darkness has lost his pleather pants...ripped on the inside of the leg from sliding on a chair I am guessing. But anyways...I must thank Jen for joining me tonight..it was great to have a little bit of support in a new place...it was so much damn fun...I wish some other people would want to give it a chance next time. Besides the fact there were 2 guys wearing like almost nothing (one with a shinai I might add...very kool) there were still more than enough girls there to keep their eyes pleased. Ok...Drinks were a bit expensive...so we get a little tipsy first..no big deal...all Iknow is..I had more fun and there were more pros then cons. I am totally gonna go again and there is an open invitation to anyone and everyone I know to join us....18 and over. Think about it....it was alot of fun. anyways..I am going to go eat my KFC and try to relax and get this stuff off my eyes...enjoy the day and talk to you all later. P.S. Tonight...I wanted a GF....why...a little or alot of ACS could come into play right about now and it would be so damn good..later. Current Mood: giddy Current Music: DJ Dracos (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 15th, 2003
3:11 am	Joes first local party...haha...nothin but smiles... So...I go to my first like reall party. So what..yeah I am 23 and I had my first party now...sue me. but anyways..I had a really good time with the exception of one moment..but thats another topic I feel I brought upon myself...so anyways..yeah..lots of people at the supermodels house....alot new..some old but for the most part all seemed kool. I had a few drinks..then had my incident..then got better in the mood and just had a really great time talking to Jenny, her parents about my moms food, and some of her friends...and deffinitly had a great time in her room and getting the tour and seeing her new sword and her millipede (and the dead one) and just seeing a part of her life...very very kool. SHE HAS ARMOUR NEAR HER FRONT DOOR..HOW COOL IS THAT?! Then like we all go downstairs and join the entertainment and socialize and we all took a seat and some played Halo and some just hung around and talked. I ended up making a few new and cool aquaintences and one I haven't seen since "2nd grade" ;) ;) I had a nice conversation about weapons and tv and movies and martial arts and things like that so it was kool to have some talks about all that. So..to sum this all up..I think I am going to be going to more parties for sure and I think I have a 5 drink limit on Bacardi Silver O3. But...Thanks to Jenny and her parents for inviting all the people she did...and thanks to all the people who showed up and made the night as much fun as it was. Current Mood: grateful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 8th, 2003
7:32 am	"A brothers love...is a brothers love." I had 3 blood brothers..or would have...might not even have been born if they all made it...ya know...sometimes there are only things a brother can talk to you about...Where's the brother I need? Current Mood: jealous Current Music: Ace of Base - Experience Pearls (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 15th, 2003
4:02 am	Matrix : Reloaded.....Spider-Man...... WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEND?? Tonight is going down as the most (or one of the most dissapointing nights in movie history for me. First Matrix...yeah I was looking forward to it as were many...HA...riiiiiight...yeah there were a few realy good parts in my opinion..no I won't spoil it by saying who dies in the movie...but I mean come on...it could have been sooo much better than what it was...yeah ok...some of the fight scenes were worth it...some of the dialogue was memorable...some of the concepts were really good in my opinion too...however...no way in blue HELL was it worth all the hype and money...so then I come home..and decide.."Ok...I need to make up for that and watch another movie I have not seen." So I decide to watch Spider-Man...HAHAAAA....JUST as bad if not worse...sorry Dan Rockster...but it wasn't all that..Still in my eyes X-Men is still the number one movie of the year so far....then of course I know the movie thats going to be the best after that is deffinitly going to be the next LOTR...so I guess I wil have to see about that...anyways...I'm done crying about how bad these 2 movies were..so I am going to write in The Book now..later. Current Mood: Utterly Current Music: The Matrix soundtrack...best part of the movie. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 9th, 2003
3:07 am	A Fire Inside.... Niiiiiiiiiiiice.....after days of self deliberation, basically just knocking back and forth the idea of tagging along to the AFI show in NYC...I am really glad I went. Basically this is how the whole day went down..Scott picked me up and Jen was with him of course then we went to the train station and met up with Josh, Bridge, Linz and Kelli. Caught the train..made it into the city, and began our trek to Roseland...how many blocks..something like 20 or so...city blocks mind you..Loved the fucking walk..I seriously need to do that more often...just perfect walk weather..not too hot not too cold saw some things that kinda brought my mood down a little bit but anyways...took a pit stop and some people got some food...then we trekked on and got to Roseland..good lord there was a long ass line...but it was not too bad..got to do a little people watching..then we got in...got in and straight to the bar..got a few drinks..nothing major at all..it was kool...got to met up with Pat and company which was kool for sure..then the bands. The first 2, Recover and Snapcase...eh...not bad I guess..but nothing special...then...AFI...I must say...aboslutly better than I thought. Lots of energy and lots of power..really good show...like I said in the begining...I am really glad I got a chance to tag along and go...it was really worth it...anyways...I need to go and try to get some sleep if this clouded mind can sleep...but I am going to try. I'll beback again soon and post a few things I need to get out...doubt it will work but I guess I will have to see..something has to give...I am not sure how much more of these shattered dreams and broken thoughts I can take..but I guess I will have to see...later. Current Mood: confused Current Music: AFI in my mind (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 3rd, 2003
4:08 am	"You are a God amung insects..." One of the best quotes from one of the best movies I have seen in a while..or since LOTR. The actions was great of course, the script was good, the storylines were awsome..just al in all a great movie and I found myself really liking the charecter Nightcrawler...awsome part with him and Storm..just made some sense to me and was a really emotional part of the movie..really made me think about some things in general and almost made me cry..whatever you might think about that whatever...but it was really good...ok..it's late and I am still taking it all in and I am gonna play DBZ..I'll finish the rundown of the whole night later... Current Mood: excited Current Music: DBZ (3 Comments |Comment on this)